|So what if it hurt's me? so what if I break down? I just wanna be Happy|
Insomnia strikes back, it's kinda late now, but I just don't feel like sleeping. I guess the clock in my head is all messed up. I don't sleep well at night, I tend to dream alot, about my worries in daily life. Sometimes I wonder do I even sleep at night, or am I just thinking with my eyes closed?
It's SPM now, and it's finishing soon. 2 more subjects to go. Chem and Bio. Hurray?
And I chose blogging than studying now :P
Sometimes I wish I could play the piano when I have problems, feels like your talking to someone without speaking words, and then feel better afterwards. It's hard to find someone to talk to these days. People are here for you not because they want to, but because they have to. Not because of natural causes but because you were once nice to them, thinking that this is the way to repay their debt. That's fine, but afterwards, they tell someone else abt our complains, thats still alright, the worst part is when they start to comment, which sums up your personality to whoever who's listening. Who's reliable nowdays, to trust carelessly. It's like everybody wears a mask, or a body armor. Some people can smile at any occasion or situations. I really admire those people. I wonder if that counts as being strong?
I wanna ditch this kind of lifestyle. I'm getting really bored of this. It's pretty depressing at times.
Thinking about my studying plans for tmr, which fails everytime. HAHA. aihh~
I'm finally yawning, thats a good sign. I'd probably dream again if I go to bed now, into a lost world, finding myself. I think it's normal for me to always want to be like someone else. Copying their styles, just because their more popular. But I guess popularity doesn't really matter now, when you've found someone or something that you really want. Relationships seem secondary now, I'm just trying to appreciate what real to me now, what that really matters.
Have you ever wonder whats real? Something real is something we can touch, feel, see.. what else? when we see, touch or feel are information transmitted in our mind. And these information are what the our parents, friends, media tell us. Like a programming a program. So what real to us, is what other people tell us? Hmm... seems like a never ending story.
More thought next time. I'll write an essay next time! Nights.
